It’s been a long time since President Buhari has been forced to endure the foul air in Naija. President Jones didn’t quite get to deodorize the nation for the promised Fresh Air before he was swept aside by Hurricane Sai Baba.
The air is still foul anywhere you go in Naija and anyone with a fragile lung needs that time off to breathe right. For Sai Baba, no air is fresher than the contaminated air of his London office even as wailers fail to admit London is also the capital of Naija.
On February 21, 2015, GMB (as he then was) said – Why should Nigerian President not fly with other Nigerian public (sic). Why do I need to embark on a foreign trip as president with a huge crowd with public funds? Why do I need to go for foreign medical trip if we cannot make our hospitals functional? Why do we need to send our children to school abroad if we cannot develop our university to compete with foreign ones?’
That was a lot of whys for one aspirant yet to taste the transformative aphrodisiac of power. Today, Sai Baba has found the answers to all the questions. So, as his funky plane taxied off the runway, loyal officials waived with the frenetic frenzy of precocious children whose parents were leaving the village; assured that he would bring back enough loaves to share for every member of the family at his return.
Sai Baba has arrived safely in London, where he continues to work for dear country. He didn’t fly Naija airwaste because it has been wasted. President Jones left a fleet of planes that we C-check at astronomical cost, better to put them to good use.
Of course bellicose enemies never have this joyous anticipation. They’re forever smarting from the unprecedented shellacking unleashed by Kano in 2015. They live on dreams of returning with vengeance to torture us again. Sai Babarians say – tufiakpa!
With Sai Baba Oyoyo back in London, a few things could be taken for granted. He has access to the media he could trust. The last time he faced the nation using his own NTA, it was a disaster and someone must have persuaded him to drop the idea of chats. No sooner had he arrived in London that he spoke to the nation!
For those accusing him of shielding his herder kinsmen in their murderous escapades, Sai Baba advised them to be their brother’s keeper even if the brothers are murderers. He didn’t really mean it.
Now that he’s with the media he could trust, he has told the conventional truth – killer herdsmen are not our brothers after all. No! Muammar Gadaffi, who seven years ago was despatched to the hottest part of American hell, unleashed them.
In other climes, this would have been derisive, but Sai Babarians say – Sai Baba! If they doubt the claim they’ll have to go to hell and ask Gadaffi to clear himself – shikenan.
Those wondering why TY Danjuma has not been arrested now know why. If the herdsmen were citizens, the IG would have given them the Shia treatment. Now that they are ‘established’ Gadaffi bandits, it would not be out of place to take Danjuma’s advice and use some self-help to despatch these marauding spirits back to the pit of hell. London reveals all things.
Naija stands to gain with the president’s London working leave. Time to test Yemi Osinbade’s loyalty again. He resisted moves to take over the first time. This time around, he has challenges citizens to pray for their ruiners. We wait for the official declaration of our national day of fasting and prayers.
Already, Donald the Dumb has invited Sai Baba to lunch at the Oval Office. This wouldn’t have happened if Sai Baba had remained in the shithole capital. When a shithole leader invites a shithole president to breakfast, a layover is required to sanitize the environment and reduce fumigation costs.
Having briefed Ms May, Sai Baba now has the license to demand the removal of Naija’s name from the shithole list, then a multibillion-dollar deal to sustain the pyrrhic peace from Boko Haram’s failed caliphate. In Sai Baba’s mind, Boko Haram is toast and that’s what he’s expected to tell Dumb Trump.
All is well in the other room. Sai Mama has confirmed, that she’ll be mobilising her army of supporters for tazarce 2019. A confirmation of support from the commander-in-chief of the kitchen, the sitting room and the other room guarantees re-election.
Aisha’s threat to remove the hyenas and jackals that locked and pocketed the keys to the other room worked. Aso Clinic is now transformed, carrying out complex operations to global adulation whereas it had no Panadol.
This is one reason Sai Baba won’t be seeing his doctors in London. His local undertakers are fully equipped to deal with any ailment. Which of the blessings of being a Naija could one deny?